BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS: Sources indicate that Barack Obama’s middle name is Hussein. The name, which runs in the Obama family, is also the name of former Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein. Many prominent pundits and political analysts have faulted Senator Obama for his middle name, pointing out that his decision to be named Barack Hussein Obama is an undeniable indicator of his terrorist sympathy.

Barack Obama spent a portion of his childhood in Indonesia, where his middle name helped him feel at home among the nation’s 200 million Muslims.

"I remember playing with Barack when we were nine years old," says Buana Bati, a childhood friend. “All the older boys held their sticks like they were guns and would scream 'death to America!' We weren’t quite sure what they meant by that, but Barack was never bashful. He stepped forward and said 'my middle name is Hussein!' He was immediately accepted in their group."

Upon returning to the United States and later matriculating at Columbia University in New York City, Barack Obama kept his middle name a secret. "I was determined not to let them know my true identity," Obama wrote in his memoir, Dreams From My Father. "Once they heard me utter the name Hussein, I knew my secret would be out." Casual students of the Arabic language may know Hussein to be a common, secular name that means "small, handsome one;" but to Al Qaeda operatives and old jihad hands, any utterance of "Hussein"” is no less than a battle cry.

"In Kandahar, where I grew up, there is a saying," said Nuri Al-Sadr, a recent immigrant to Dearborn, MI; "when Hussein inhabits the White House, the blood of the infidels will run in the streets like water." Mr. Al-Sadr, looking over his shoulder, then added, "of course, no one from my family has said this."

As the general public learns the truth about Senator Obama’s middle name, the reaction has been mixed. Many fervent supporters of Obama’s are unfazed. One such supporter, 21 year-old Kathy Rowlands from San Jose, CA, says "I just know he’s the One. And the Bible tells us that, when the Messiah returns, we may not know him. He may look like Jesus, he may look like Moses. I guess this proves that the Messiah is returning as Mohammed."

Others are less forgiving. Steven Williamson, a pipefitter, life-long Democrat and staunch Hillary Clinton supporter from Philadelphia, PA, shook his head from side to side while wiping a solitary tear from his eye. "I knew it," he said. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. From the first time I saw him, debating Hillary Clinton in South Carolina, I said to my wife, I said 'that man right there is a terrorist. And he’s going to bring down our country, sure as I’m sitting here.' Well, I hate to say I told you so."